In keeping with the motif of my last article, I feel the need to mention another situation that leads to events that I and many of my other fellow Observers (if I may be so bold to include in my rant) are getting infinitely tired of suffering.
As my last offering did not seem to go over too well with the general public, some might suggest that I be a bit more conservative with my thoughts. Although I do value the opinions of all those who read my articles, I find it difficult to limit my words as our society is yet again bearing the tragedy of losing our children to unthinkable, avoidable violence at the hands of another child with a weapon. How many times does this have to happen before we act? Have we really become so complacent on the matter that most of us are starting to look upon this savagery as a sign of the times? As something we have to accept as the norm? I would like to think that our children mean more to us than that but sadly the pattern I've Observed seems to disagree with that statement.
While blame is often placed on the shoulders of our children, it is rarely made the burden of those who are clearly responsible. Adults....Parents....Teachers....Councilors....Administrators. The very people our children look to for guidance and support that are so entrenched in denial, finger pointing, dissimulating and misplaced accusations that it sickens me with disgust. Far be it for me to point out that even though most of us would like to curl ourselves up in a cozy, warm blanket of repudiation, there are some ugly truths that we all have to acknowledge in order to progress toward a solution. The first and foremost is understanding our children.
Whether adults choose to accept the dismal reality or continue to practice nihilism, the fact is that most children, left to their own devices, are cruel, heartless, deceitful, hurtful creatures that will prey upon any other child they deem different or weak and does not present a threat to their being. I have taken part in after school activities, been a classroom parent and have volunteered at numerous events and functions. Much to my chagrin I have witnessed more than my fair share of incidents that support the aforementioned statement. The last thing you want to hand me in defense of these types of actions is the "They're only children, they don't know any better." excuse. Let me tell you something. They do know better....all of them...have for a long time. It's time we stopped kidding ourselves about this because we were all kids once. I recall, from a very young age, that I knew exactly when I was doing wrong. We all did. Every single one of us. Think about it for a minute, if children honestly did not know any better, why would they lie to adults when caught doing something considered inappropriate behavior? There would be no reason to because they wouldn't understand that they had done anything wrong. Although some may choose to disagree, in my opinion, the actions of the child usually reflect the actions or are allowed to manifest due to the inaction of the parents.
The actuality is that we are all born with a basic sense of right and wrong that engages itself as we learn to reason, speak and comprehend our surroundings. Our sensibility evolves as we grow and we start to make decisions based on rationalization rather than emotion. As this happens, some of us grow out of and abandon this type of predatory posturing. Some that is....not all. As I have met individuals over the years, I would be optimistic to put the statistical average at around 60% - 40% placing the evolved sensibility on the lower number. Let's be honest. Some adults are even worse than they were when they were children. I'm sure you've met some of them, my loyal reader. You really need to look no further than your local town hall, police department or board of education in most cases. If you can't seem to find any there I would simply refer you to Facebook or any other social media if you need verification. You'll find them easier than finding a billboard in a vacant lot. Self-important, self-righteous, self-serving morons passing barely as humans who actually think they're funny or worse yet, accurate with their comments and posts that are in reality only meant to hurt others while making themselves feel superior to all the losers. That's how this idiocy perpetuates itself. That's why it never seems to go away no matter how many policies we put in place. Because these adult versions of the piece of trash that shook weaker kids down for their lunch money, made them count bathroom floor tiles with their noses, berated others because of their clothes or their weight all those years ago are in the majority and now they're parents, more's the pity.
I made mention in my last article that Americans love to place blame on objects and figures of speech instead of the true cause of the trouble. I failed to note one other thing we love to do.... Lie to ourselves. We can't get enough of it. We have this destructive fascination with ignoring behavior that puzzles me to no end. I personally don't comprehend it, but it seems to be the solution du jour for this problem in particular. It seems to work for adults on both sides of the issue because along with the Neanderthals (and I may be giving them too much credit) that have this "kids just being kids" mentality we can look to children who are dealing with daily suffering being told by their parents to just "ignore the bullies and they'll lose interest". Wait....What?!?! Do they really believe this? If anything, this approach only makes the antagonists more persistent in their attacks. It makes you wonder if any of these dolts in parent's clothing ever tried to ignore a child. You'd have more success trying to hold the ocean back with a broom, as well as more fun. Another useless cliché these parental rejects hand out that does more damage than tainted Halloween candy is "Laugh along with the bullies". I like that one. That's a great idea. Laugh with them. What insight! You might as well tie a rope around the neck of your child's self-esteem and tell them to go look for the nearest tree.
I will admit that I tend to get over zealous about certain subjects especially when it concerns children. In defense of these parents, I'm sure that their intentions are benign as well as born out of frustration for not having an answer to alleviate their children's pain. When all is said and done, I have a lot more respect for them than I do the one's who shrug their shoulders while uttering the social pandemic phrase "That's what kids do." I also hold the former group of parents in higher regard than the third type I have come across. The self-absorbed addlepates that adamantly deny their children's wrong doing for fear that others will look upon their parenting skills in a unfavorable light. We cannot allow decisions in child raising being based upon how we want ourselves perceived by others. When we choose to employ this tactic, the children are the ones who suffer most by the inaction. Bullies and victims alike, we do them no favors choosing any of these paths. It only fuels the problem. Whether we choose to accept not knowing, not to care at all or care only for our individual prominence each instance only aggravates the situation to the point where we could lose more of our children and often do.
As far back as Columbine most of us have come to realize exactly why our children are committing these atrocities and we have continually turned a blind eye to what we have witnessed and a deaf ear to the cries for help. We have chosen not to act. Not to uphold zero-tolerance policies that seem to have only been implemented as a strategic response to the outcries of citizens who recognized that these horrors were preventable and demanded action but have little or no legal substance to them. Claims made therein have been sidestepped or outright ignored by the administrators who wrote them. Three to six page ramblings of "feel good" propaganda that are worth less than the paper they are written on as bullying accusations are labeled "incidents" that need to be investigated before further action can be taken in order to circumvent the standing policy while maintaining the status quo and their polished records. What's even harder to fathom is that children who fall prey to bullies are often singled out whether they retaliate or not and recommended by social workers to seek out counseling in order to cope with the abuse. In other words, it's easier to dismiss the victim than it is to prove guilt of the aggressor.
Now I understand that there are cases where children claim to be bullied when they are not. Some children make up stories or feign injury and illness to get attention. Some go as far as cutting themselves to obtain it. Let's face it, there are a plethora of child psychosis and deception to choose from out there which is why, as adults, we need to seriously investigate every claim made. Every claim. Not just the ones we think need to be looked into. Not dismissing this one based on a hunch or that one on a feeling because of what your great aunt, once removed, saw in her Cream of Wheat this morning after spilling her milk.
It simply comes down to our children's needs. What they do need and what they don't.
They need to be disciplined when they are about to do harm and punished when they do.
They need to learn that there are consequences for their actions.
They need to be taught empathy towards all and learn that certain behaviors are unacceptable.
They need to be taught to respect differences and to practice tolerance.
They need to be heard and listened to. (No...they are not the same thing. If you think they are, your part of the problem.)
And above all else they need to know that they are loved so that they may love themselves for who they are.
They don't need to be told to "Grow a thicker skin" "Tough it out" "Learn to deal with it" or that "Suffering builds character".
They don't need to be ignored or have their conduct, good or bad, be overlooked or dismissed.
They don't need excuses or rules that have no teeth and offer no recourse or repercussions.
They don't need their problems belittled or swept under a bureaucratic rug.
And most of all they don't need adults who do not understand or choose not to acknowledge their needs.
So when do we say enough is enough? When do we demand something be done to stop the violence and stand our ground until we accomplish it? How many children do we have to bury until we say "No More"? In order to answer these questions we will have to put ourselves in our children's place. We will have to attempt to understand their actions instead of asking why this happens when we all know the answer. It's just a matter of being able to face a truth that we would rather not confront. We have to ask ourselves, honestly, that if we were enduring these beratements every day, dreaded going somewhere knowing that we would be tortured and humiliated again and again. Can we truly say we know what we would do if a weapon was placed in our hands? Maybe if we asked ourselves that and answered truthfully we could find an answer. We also might find that our children were right all along. Monsters do exist. But your more likely to find them on a playground or in a cafeteria than under your bed. Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, I need to tuck my daughter in.
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